Do you dance? I do. Not excellent.
I f*cking love dancing. No idea why. Always have, always will. Humans have been dancing since the beginning of mankind. How do I know? Internet.
When I was in the 5th grade I won a break dancing contest at the local church fall festival. I was awarded a $10 gift certificate to the local record store. I couldn’t do the head spin but could pop-n-lock. #WWJD
NOTE TO MILLENNIALS: Records were flat round discs that had songs embedded in them and were played on a unique record player system that involved a needle and some other components that were invented by NASA.
Best record of all time? Glad you asked…Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Don’t give me some bullshit that the Beatles or Creed had the best album of all time. It was Michael Jackson.
NOTE TO MILLENNIALS: Michael Jackson was a pop star from the 80’s who got his start in a boy band headed up by Joe Jackson. He married Elvis Presley’s Daughter.
Now, back to dancing. I grew up in Atlanta and thus have the inside scoop on the best places to go dancing. I also own the world famous Fur Bus which just celebrated 17 years of moving intoxicated people all over Atlanta. I also owned a waterbed when I was in high school like a complete idiot.
Before we dive into the best dance spots let’s first pay our respects to the greatest dance club ever opened in Atlanta: BACKSTREET. That place was magical, gay, huge and never closed.
NOTE TO MILLENNIALS: Backstreet was magical, gay, huge and never closed.
Now, on to the best places to dance in Atlanta:
5. CLUB – Tongue & Groove in Buckhead gets the nod for best club to shake a leg in Atlanta. Not too pretentious and won’t give you a seizure like a few of the other ones in town.
4. NON CLUB CLUB – Koo Koo Room in Midtown is the best small non club club. It is located under a daiquiri bar owned by a reality star who doesn’t sleep at night and can predict the sex of a child before it is born. TMI. Check out the daiquiri bar upstairs for 6 – 8 Jet Fuel Frozen Slushy Bombs then head downstairs and show Charles Barkley how to do the worm.
3. HIPSTER BAR – Nonis on Edgewood is a deli? Restaurant? Bar? Dance club? Who knows. Mother is also a great place to dance to the ultra hip fusion of Indie hip-hop new age free range vegan emo dance pop. #Sustainable.
2. DIVE BAR – The Pool Hall in Buckhead was opened in 1946 and still serves booze to the masses. Today there are DJs on the weekends and half million frat boys buying all things Tito’s for the train wreck blondes and high heal wearing brunettes. Snapchat it and add that wonderful puppy dog filter and find John John for free hugs and dolphin facts.
1. BEST OVERALL– MJQ is not only the best place to dance in Atlanta, it is the best place in Atlanta. This melting pot of hipsters, homos, lesbians, hip hoppers, frat kids, and old assholes like me is an old parking garage underground down off Ponce. Make sure to check out the dance circles that start up in the middle area and also show them the worm.
-1. CLASSIC – Johnny’s Hideaway has the best dance floor in the entire state of Georgia and could be the greatest bar in the south. They also serve chicken fingers during happy hour and have kicked me out 4 times to date.
MILLENNIALS: Johnny’s is the place you walk to after 40 Jager Bombs at the Ivy.
Want to dance some more? Check out this video for Lepre*CON and come dance with us all day on March 11 at Park Tavern. We get fired up at 2 pm and dance until we can’t dance anymore. Ticket prices still cheap so grab em up!
Trey (A Dancing Machine)