by Trey Humphreys
Hello friends. Tom here. Let’s talk about shots. Sure, they build camaraderie but they also cause blackouts, vomit and disgusting romantic encounters with bizarre humans. I wouldn’t know. I think shots should be against the law but who am I to make laws, a law maker? No. So, let’s discuss the worst shots of all time and then let’s take a look as some I created (in my head). I encourage you to buy one for all your friends this weekend.
10. Cement Mixer – Bailey’s, lime juice
9. Dead Man Walking – Absinthe, Goldschläger
8. Gorilla Puke – 151 Bacardi, Wild Turkey Whisky
7. Tapeworm – Pinnacle Vodka, Tabasco and warm mayonnaise
6. New Jersey Turnpike – Bar mat juice or bar rag juice
4. Liquid Steak – Rum and worchesirire sauce
3. Burned Dead – Pinnacle Vodka, Hot Mustard, Sauerkraut juice
2. Infected Whitehead – Vodka, bloody Mary mix and cottage cheese
1. Smokers Cough – Warm Mayonnaise and Jägermeister
I thought I would come up with a few since we have a few more moments. Here are my suggestions to add to the list ….
Your Great Aunt – Cookie Dough flavored Pinnacle Vodka, Back sweat, white rain hair spray
Homosexual Opossum – Well tequila, Bacardi 151, dollop Colgate toothpaste, flax seed
Gin & Puke – Cheesecake flavored Gin, mascara, peach schnapps, oregano and braised kale
The Dirty Critter – Jägermeister, buttermilk, B.C. powder, hamster droppings
Crossfit Females – Pinnacle Vodka, raw salmon, creatine, eggnog, chalk
Dolphin Sneeze – moonshine & tuna salad
Joel Darby – Jack Daniels, peanut butter, White Zinfandel, ground pickle
Feet Juice – Beer, Prell shampoo, duck fat
Well, there you go. I am never drinking again. Well, maybe.