I got one word for you: SHAQ IS NOW AN ELECTRONIC TRAP DJ AND WILL BE PLAYING AT TOMORROWORLD. Jesus Christ. Who next? I’ll tell you who…..Willie Nelson.
We have t-minus 15 days till TomorrowWorld 2015 kicks off on September 25th. This glorious spectacle of electronic music and #PLUR (whatever that is) resides on some dude’s farm in “Chattahoochee Hills” which is slang for “The woods 45 minutes southwest of the airport”. I bet said farm dude listens to Willie Nelson and fishes for bass instead of dropping it. I could be wrong. Shaq is a DJ.
This beast is 3 days long and hosts around 150k people. And by people I mean the hottest chicks you have ever seen on earth in their mid 20’s wearing nothing but smiles, thongs and candy bracelets. Leave your girlfriend at home for this one Bros.
This party draws people from around the world and was started by a couple of gents from Belgium. The original festival is called Tomorrowland which just celebrated its 10th anniversary last year in Belgium. If I weren’t dirt poor and 80 years old I would have been there half nude and fully vodka’d up bouncing with the Europeans.
A little about the festival: 3 days, 10 stages, every single DJ on the f*cking planet and 2000 times as many lasers as Stone Mountain. You do the math. Or don’t.
There are a few things you should do for this festival such as always have a fanny pack, drink water, carry a extra cell phone charger, french kiss foreigners and dance like a handicapped horse. However, there are some things you SHOULD NEVER DO at this festival. Here are the top 10 things you SHOULD NOT DO at TomorrowWorld:
- Don’t make a green shirt with “Let’s Do Meth” on it like I did at Hangout Festival.
- Don’t wear a homemade Deadmau5 head. That shit is played out and terrible.
- Don’t bring your epileptic friend. That bastard will lock up in 8 seconds once the sun goes down. God bless there are some lasers at this farmville festival.
- Don’t let a girl get on your shoulders. I don’t care how hot she is. That 104 lb Holland model will turn into a 400 lb meat troll after 15 seconds on your shoulders and NEVER want to get down.
- Don’t get a TomorrowWorld Tattoo. Actually, scratch that. Please lord get one. Email it to me Trey@asocialmess.com and you will win something I swear to God.
- Don’t wear a morph suit you creepy rapist. That is by far the dumbest costume ever invented and generally worn by skinny methheads that want to look like a gigantic pair of pantyhose.
- Oh, and Don’t wear this either…
- Don’t eat a weed brownie at 2 am and tell your buddy to call the paramedics because you know for a fact, with 100% certainty, you are going to die.
- Don’t do vitamins you find on the ground
- Don’t do a sh*t ton of PCP infused homemade Bath Salts at 3 pm and wander to the MainStage to nap standing up.
There you have it geeks and freaks. If you have a better suggestion of what not to do at TomorrowWorld this year, feel free to comment below. Best one will win some TW swag and a lifetime supply of corn.