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Real Life Hangover Cures



By Trey Humphreys

Let’s focus for a minute. If there is one thing I hate in this glorious world of ours, it’s a handicap inducing hangover. If you don’t drink or can drink in moderation like a real show off, then stop reading this and focus on your ROTH IRA. For the rest of you that like to party, keep reading….

I asked jeeves how to cure a hangover and found a smattering of terrible blogs with advice like “don’t drink ” and “drink a glass of water after every drink”. You bet. Let me whip up a spreadsheet to carry along for the evening and track the drink to water ratio while I crush a full liter of Fireball and 30 gallons of Bud Light, bottle.  Folks, I have drank Applebee’s out of white zin 4 times in my life. LITERALLY.

After the internet failed me (just like Tinder) I decided to do some real R&D. I asked my drunk friends what they do to cure a hangover. They sent me some horrible jokes and some interesting answers oddly enough….

10. Danny Maldonado (DJ Danny M) – Danny is a DJ and therefore is up in the club 14 nights a week. If you don’t know, EVERYONE wants to do shots with the DJ. EVERYONE is french for every annoying 23-year-old girl in the club who, god willing, must get into the DJ booth, request the worst song on the radio and spill her drink on anything electronic. Anyway, here is his go-to hangover cure:

Morning shag then Mexican pozole (green or red) then back to sleep. Next, ask what happened the night before and perform apology text messages. Cry alone until alcohol leaves system via tear ducts and finish with Mexican for dinner”

I have no idea what Pozole is but assume it’s similar to Peyote and motor oil. Also, can you substitute masturbation for shagging? Asking for a friend.

9. Ashley Hesseltine – Pro blogger, pro girlfriend (not mine you creeps) and pro vodka hoarder. When I asked for her hangover remedy she sent me her blog, of course. After reading that book I condensed it down to this:

“Drink 16 ounces of water with lemon, cup of coffee with coconut oil to kick start the system or force bowel movement, eat a banana, get in the ocean (or cool/cold water)”

Side Note: She once took me to New York City for a Vodka event where we made Cinnabon flavored whipped Vodka and orange Juice. Arguably the worst liquid I have ever consumed in all my 27 years on this earth.

For further details on her cure, read the full blog here: The 6-Step Program for Curing a Hangover

8. Tasha Mize – Bartender at 5 Paces Inn for the past 300 years. True redneck from the hills of Tennessee where moonshine goes down like moonshine. Her cure:

“BC Powder and Lemon Lime Gatorade or two jager bombs”.

Finally, a real answer of value sans jager bombs which taste like syrup and burnt cat hair.

7. Beau Rasnik – Another long term bartender from the flanks of Tin Lizzy’s and Kramer’s. This nerd is a runner and says the following:

“Take 2 electrolyte pills before bed”

Apparently you can buy said pills at a “running store”. Who TF goes to a “running store”. Dweebs. And runners I guess.

6. Isaac Stout – Tequila.

The Real World is a place where people “stop being polite, and start getting real”. Loser.

4. Derik Purdy – Derik owns 5 bars in Alabama (INNISFREE) and some claim he made the Florabama Mullet Toss the party it is today. I have never met a human being that can party as hard and as long as this fella.  Here is his go-to:

“The ocean, an adderall, steam room and pedialitye”

That sh*t actually sounds like it would work. It also sounds like the diet of an 8 year old kid at beach camp.

3. Dr. Bill Stephens – Bill is a son of New Orleans, completely nuts and somehow a real Doctor in Miami. He also got completely naked at the Lady Gaga concert at the Fox Theatre. He has two methods:

1) “Before leaving bar, ask for 1/2 cup of pickle juice. Drink the pickle juice with a shot of your choice. Drink a gatorade on way home”

2) “If you have a physician friend, get a banana bag which is an IV that includes: 1 liter normal saline/30 mg iv Toradol/4 mg Zofran/1000 mcg IV b12”

Is Lady Gaga still alive?

2. Jacob Blazer –  Jake plays in a band (Jacob and the Good People) and is sponsored by Jagermeister and liver failure. Forced to play and booze in all the haunts across the East Coast every week, he swears by the following:

“Goody’s powder pack, deuce deuce of beer and a pickle in a bag”  

Apparently you can get “A Pickle in a Bag” at the shittiest gas stations across the Southeast. Add boiled peanuts from the can and clove cigarettes and I’m in.

1. Jamie Shirah – Jamie owns The Ivy and also the greatest company ever invented in the history of mankind and womankind, Vida-flo: The Hydration Station. This is a place you can go to get a IV bag of goodies for around $40-$50 bucks instead of buying shitty health insurance in order to fake alcohol poisoning at Grady Hospital. The number 1 hangover cure sold up in that joint is:

The Blue Lagoon – $49.99 – Fluids, Vitamin C, B12, B-complex, Toradol (headache), Zofran (nausea) and oxygen”

You could win an iron man after that bag of fun. Plus you get to relax in a recliner the whole time while reevaluating your entire life. I’ll take 6 bags and a self help audio tape.

There you go wastoids. And yes I skipped over #5. If you have a better method, let me know Trey@asocialmess.com or @asocialmess on Instagram. I don’t do Snapchat because I am fairly stupid.


Halloween Party #5 Trio

Halloween Party #5 Hosts

Click HERE for tickets.

Halloween Party #5 Hosts: Alex Branch, Ashley Hesseltine, Brian Sernulka, Brianna Dane, Ceci Mattei, Dice K, Jake “Snake” Schumacher, Jay Mayor Winter, Jennifer Lester Lingvall, Joe Rountree, John John “Free Hugs” “Rampage” “Double John” “Skunk Ape” “Dolphin Loving” Delladonna, Jordan Dillard, Kelly Chase, Kelly O’Brien, Keri Kilgore, Laura Diem, Lauren Blackstock, Lauren Ruel, Logan Daniels (Reubens Bell), Macy Omer, Matt Stephen, Meagan Cavanaugh, Mercedes Montalvo, Michael Cash, Mick McDonald, Nathan Rigsby, Nick Via, Rae Riccio, Sara Davis, Thais Rodriguez, Thomas Rittle (likes to get physical), Trey Humphreys



Self Evaluation Sunday

Hey friends,

Many moons ago, a good, yet drunk friend of mine introduced me to the term “Self Evaluation Sunday”. Well team, I had one of those this past Sunday. This is a Sunday where you wake up and ask the universe a simple questions: Why am I such a dumb ass?

 Have you ever woken up on Sunday with your face stuck to your pillow from a face gash you know nothing about and a hangover worse than a moose attack? If not, enjoy your perfect life.


It all started with a clothing sale around high noon on Saturday with a friend. I don’t want to name names so let’s just call said friend, Enabler. Ashley Hesseltine, I mean said friend and I decided to swing by Tin Lizzy’s Cantina for some lunch and a “couple drinks”. You know the rest of the story.

Thirty-five drinks later, an Auburn win and a touch of Avicii EDM music resulted in a damn near concussion and bed time around 9 pm. Sunday was hell. Unlike you, I get hangovers. And my face is not made of steel. Ergo, my head could not have hurt any worse. Now, the question is how  mankind  clone sheep on Mars and play candy crush on mobile phones but not figure out how to make a hangover pill that works? Where are our priorities? My God people, if I knew how to use Twitter I would tweet Johnson & Johnson and get those bastards to figure it out. For now, I will never drink again.


Vday UNfashion Show


Hello sweet lover! It’s your mistress A Social Mess. Your well endowed, lustful and busty Social Mess. I want you so bad. I need you. Snapchat me you sexy beast. Listen folks, here at A Social Mess we are not very good at love and whatnot but by George we are good at partying. Therefore, we are throwing a sweet little extravaganza on Valentines Day for those who think Valentines day is nonsense. Spray tans and botox, we are taking over Johnny’s Hideaway Thursday night, February 14th for the Social Mess UNfashion show and Lovers Utopia. We are going to highlight awful fashion on hot chicks and fat dudes. We are also going to bring in our DJs, Johnnys DJs and a myraid of Atlanta’s finest folks. This is a FREE party so come play with us. You will laugh, you will cry and you might go home with someone in your grandparents bingo group. Enjoy the sweet, sultry sounds of DJ CANNONBALL and DJ MADFLIP whilst previewing 2013 fashions only approved by A Social Mess and modeled by hot and not Social Mess Models. THURSDAY FEB 14th 8 pm – who cares, JOHNNY’S HIDEAWAY! FREE! Get your free ticket HERE.

21+, Tickets are first come first serve at the door.

LepreCON 2013


Call the NRA, this ones doing to be outrageous. A Social Mess presents the 4th annual LEPRE*CON 2013! Last year we has a small gathering of 4000 people and this year we are going large! Saturday, March 16th at Park Tavern: 3 pm till the Irish win a football game. The Spring Break Stage is BACK and we are making the contest more illegal full of debauchery.  We are also bringing in the current DJ from LMFAO – DJ Dainjazone, and original Beastie Boys DJ – DJ Hurricane to our usual Madflip hoopla…because they can PARTY. This is the St. Patrick’s day party of all parties. Ireland will be closed as they all will be at the Park Tavern. Wait till you see who we have hosting this beast! Oh lawd. Wear green, wear chaps, wear chains, wear your mother – we don’t care. Get your ticket now because we have to shut of presale tickets at 2000 (’til we know the weather permits!). Rules are rules, man. CONTESTS, DJS, HALF NUDE CHICKS, WET TSHIRTS, BUD LIGHT, JAGERMEISTER SHOTS, BUNIONS, FOAM PIT and real bull riding if we can talk Park Tavern into it. Love you.

And now, here is a video from last year’s mayhem. Enjoy. GET TICKETS.

Hosted by: Alex Branch, Abigail Thompson, Allie Burrow, Ashley Hesseltine, Bonnie Lee, Brian Sernulka, Brian Stearns, Buddy Owen, Casey Arundel, Jenny Tribuzio, Jacob SNAKE Schumaker, Jennifer Lester, Jimbo Tomanchek, Joe Rountree, John John “FREE HUGS” Delladonna, Katie Jackson, Kelly Chase, Kelly O’Brien, Kim Junod, Libby Vawter Duncan, Keri Kilgore, Logan Duke, Macy Omer, Jay “MAYOR” Winter, Mercedes Montalvo, Matt Stephen (Cheater), Meagan Cavanaugh, Mick McDonald, Nathan Rigsby, Rae Riccio, Tom Rittle, SaraBeth Custin, Trey Humphreys

IbH9ih on Make A Gif, Animated Gifs

make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif

The World’s Greatest Most Fantastic Super Duper Anti-hotel New Year’s Eve Gala Extravaganza in the Universe. Ever. Part IV.

A Social Mess, in all its glory, is proud to present THE WORLDS GREATEST, MOST FANTASTIC SUPER DUPER ANTI-HOTEL NEW YEARS EVE GALA EXTRAVAGANZA IN THE UNIVERSE. EVER. PART IV. This epic New Year’s Eve Party will be the sexiest soiree in all of Atlanta and surrounding countries with 1,500 of the hottest ladies and gents in the South ringing in 2013 with a BANG. You’ll enter through a masquerade ball in the front of the BUCKHEAD THEATRE, so wear a mask and show off your mysterious side. To set the mood and keep you dancing all night long, we’ll have world-famous(ish) DJs Madflip, Mynd, Cannonball, and those wild Pananama City Boyz on old-school turntables on stage and the smokin’ hot DJ Camille ripping up the ones and twos in the center of the ballroom.

What about whip cream? We got you covered (only if you want to be). Whip cream wrestling? Sure, why not? Near-naked hotties in body paint? Done. Massive dessert/candy buffet? We know what you want. And because we’re sweet, let’s throw in Social Mess Candy Girls giving out free suckers all night long and if you can guess how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, we’ll enter you in the midnight kissing contest (still working out the kinks on that one). Don’t forget about the confetti and condom drop at midnight (safety first), and surprise antics only A Social Mess could pull off.

As for a few MINOR DETAILS: Open bar ALL NIGHT long with premium liquors and no lines, delicious food spread, complimentary coat check, massive restrooms, prop-filled photo booth, and 10,000+ square feet of pure amazing. Wear a tux or a sparkly party dress. Wear jean cut-offs and a Starter jacket. We don’t care! Get your tickets now before the price goes up like a 14-year-old watching Cinemax. We’re also presenting the first-ever VIP areas in the history of Social Mess events! Slow down, Cletus, there will only be two, but they will be BALLER SHOT CALLER status, so stay tuned for more info. Email us at events@asocialmess.com for group discounts for ten or more.

Justin Timberlake don’t know nothin’ about this kinda of sexy. GET TICKETS.

  • 7,000 SQ FT. LOBBY AREA
  • 6,000 SQ FT. 2nd LEVEL PARTY
  • 2013 PHOTO BOOTH

Tickets on sale NOW…GET EM HERE!

BROUGHT TO YOU BY A SOCIAL MESS’ DANGER SQUAD: Abigail Thompson, Alex Branch, Alexi Wilbourn, Allie Burrow, Ashley HESSeltine, Bonnie Lee, Brian Sernulka, Brian Stearns, Buddy Owen, Eli Nagle, Jacob SNAKE Schumaker, Jay Mayor Winter, Jennifer LESTER, Jimbo Tomanchek, Joe Rountree, Joel Darby, John John “FREE HUGS” Delladonna, Jonathan J-YO Young, Katie Jackson, Kelly O’Brien, Keri Kilgore, Kim NO PANTS Junod, Libby Vawter Duncan, Logan Duke, Macy Omer, Matt Stephen, Meagan Cavanaugh, Mick McDonald, Nathan Rigsby, Rae Ricio, SaraBeth Custin, Tom Rittle, Trey TOM Humphreys

Halloween BOOnanza


You wanna be startin’ somethin’!? Well then alert Tito, Latoya, Paris, Blanket, Lisa Marie Presley, and the crazy grandma because we are throwing a tribute to the late, great MICHAEL JACKSON for Halloween this year! A Social Mess dishonorably presents HALLOWEEN BOOnanza Part 3 and we’re calling all dancing zombies, pretty young things, smooth criminals, Billie Jean lovers, moonwalkers, dirty girls named Diana, and men in the mirror to come heal the world.


Shockingly, we are neither in jail nor being sued from last year, THEREFORE we shall celebrate the grandpappy of all holidays on Saturday, October 27 at the Buckhead Theatre. We are going to turn that joint into Neverland Ranch with more than 2,000 of the hottest, fattest, and morally immune party people in Atlanta. The last two years were monsters, and this year we are upping the ante thanks to the King of Pop himself (may he rest in peace)–more DJs, more lasers, more weirdos, more booze, more professional dancers, more glow sticks, more condoms, and more fake breasts than a Hoobastank concert. We’re introducing a $1,004.00 costume contest, Hottest Single Mom Contest, Thriller flash mob, midnight champagne countdown, and some of the oddest entertainment we can hire. Get your tickets now because we very strategically raise the prices every week to pressure you into buying them. GENIUS. We went to high school b*tches.

Who’s Bad?  GET TICKETS!!

Also…….don’t forget how f*ing amazing this party is. Let us remind you:

Date Auction at Johnny’s Hideaway: 4/19

Johnny’s Hideaway Thursday, April 19th 7-11 PM


Because we know you get desperate sometimes, we’re bringing you a once-in-a-lifetime, er, once-in-a-year opportunity to buy your next date. With actual money. Because whipping out your wallet to “ask out” a member of the opposite sex in a bar is frowned upon and may get you slapped…or arrested. Won’t you join us Thursday, April 19 at the world-class Johnny’s Hideaway for the 3rd Annual One Love Date Auction? Trey (a complete trainwreck of an ex-mascot) and Ace (former Real Worlder and current bar owner) will host the auction where over 25 sexxxxay girls and guys will be up for your bidding pleasure. We’re talking Hooters calendar girls. We’re talking (former) ACC football players. We’re talking cat groomers. We’re talking CEOs (of their own Twitter pages). And everything in between.

The doors open at 6:30 p.m. and the games will begin around 7. We advise getting there early so you can hit the bar (if you’re into that sort of thing) & order your first. Click here for pre-sale tickets, 100% goes directly to One Love Generation so don’t even try to pull a fast one and get in for free because you will just look like an a-hole and then no one will want to go out with you. If you’re interested in reserving a table, please call Johnny’s at 404-233-8026.

See you there.  And don’t “forget your wallet.”  We know that trick all too well.

Get your presale tix HERE

Follow us: @DateAuctionATL

100% to benefit the kiddos of One Love Generation, a non-profit organization empowering youth to inspire positive social change through art, service and awareness. For more information, please visit www.onelovegeneration.org or www.facebook.com/onelovegeneration

Under the Sea: Adult Prom to benefit One Love Generation

Saturday June 18 | Brandon Hall | 9PM – All. Night. Long.

Bust out the old mermaid prom dresses & pink tuxedos….we’re throwing an adult prom, “Under the Sea” style.

TICKETS (21+): http://xorbia.com/tickets/onelovegeneration/

DJs & “Under the Sea” Photo Booths, 80’s Cover Band, Real high school auditorium & courtyard…no end time, Spiked Punch, Sneak in your booze…except it’s a legal BYOB

ROYAL COURT: Ashley Hesseltine, Becca Nichols, Celeste Gordon, Emily Lipman, Jan Fowler, Jonathan Sheer, Josh McAfee, Maria-Angela Sanzone, Mike Shady …

More to be announced soon…….start campaigning w/ those puffy paint posters and glamour shots!

Only $25/person, BYOB…

Don’t drink & drive, drink & ride! Call Ally at Fur Bus for a special prom deal on limos, fur buses & more! 404-467-7773.

Special THANKS to our amazing hosts: Allie Burrow, Ashleigh Cavaness, Ashley Hesseltine, Becky Cronin, Bradley James, Celeste Gordon, Diane Taylor, Jan Fowler, Jessica Lee Reece, Kal Wayman, Josh McAfee, Kelley Hagen, Lydia Phillips, Maria Cadena, Maria-Angela Sanzone, Nadia Carr, Ron Smith, Stephen Braden

We need volunteers to: Check ID, collect email addresses, collect donations, etc. Please email jennifer@onelovegeneration.org if you have some time to spare!

If you can’t make it, but would like to support, please click here: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=TYQ3TS9S3S5YL

One Love Generation is a 501c3 tax exempt non-profit organization empowering youth to inspire positive social change through art, service and awareness. For more information, please visit http://www.onelovegeneration.org/