Many moons ago, a good, yet drunk friend of mine introduced me to the term “Self Evaluation Sunday”. Well team, I had one of those this past Sunday. This is a Sunday where you wake up and ask the universe a simple questions: Why am I such a dumb ass?
Have you ever woken up on Sunday with your face stuck to your pillow from a face gash you know nothing about and a hangover worse than a moose attack? If not, enjoy your perfect life.
It all started with a clothing sale around high noon on Saturday with a friend. I don’t want to name names so let’s just call said friend, Enabler. Ashley Hesseltine, I mean said friend and I decided to swing by Tin Lizzy’s Cantina for some lunch and a “couple drinks”. You know the rest of the story.
Thirty-five drinks later, an Auburn win and a touch of Avicii EDM music resulted in a damn near concussion and bed time around 9 pm. Sunday was hell. Unlike you, I get hangovers. And my face is not made of steel. Ergo, my head could not have hurt any worse. Now, the question is how mankind clone sheep on Mars and play candy crush on mobile phones but not figure out how to make a hangover pill that works? Where are our priorities? My God people, if I knew how to use Twitter I would tweet Johnson & Johnson and get those bastards to figure it out. For now, I will never drink again.
Hello sweet lover! It’s your mistress A Social Mess. Your well endowed, lustful and busty Social Mess. I want you so bad. I need you. Snapchat me you sexy beast. Listen folks, here at A Social Mess we are not very good at love and whatnot but by George we are good at partying. Therefore, we are throwing a sweet little extravaganza on Valentines Day for those who think Valentines day is nonsense. Spray tans and botox, we are taking over Johnny’s Hideaway Thursday night, February 14th for the Social Mess UNfashion show and Lovers Utopia. We are going to highlight awful fashion on hot chicks and fat dudes. We are also going to bring in our DJs, Johnnys DJs and a myraid of Atlanta’s finest folks. This is a FREE party so come play with us. You will laugh, you will cry and you might go home with someone in your grandparents bingo group. Enjoy the sweet, sultry sounds of DJ CANNONBALL and DJ MADFLIP whilst previewing 2013 fashions only approved by A Social Mess and modeled by hot and not Social Mess Models. THURSDAY FEB 14th 8 pm – who cares, JOHNNY’S HIDEAWAY! FREE!Get your free ticket HERE.
21+, Tickets are first come first serve at the door.
Call the NRA, this ones doing to be outrageous. A Social Mess presents the 4th annual LEPRE*CON 2013! Last year we has a small gathering of 4000 people and this year we are going large! Saturday, March 16th at Park Tavern: 3 pm till the Irish win a football game. The Spring Break Stage is BACK and we are making the contest more illegal full of debauchery. We are also bringing in the current DJ from LMFAO – DJ Dainjazone, and original Beastie Boys DJ – DJ Hurricane to our usual Madflip hoopla…because they can PARTY. This is the St. Patrick’s day party of all parties. Ireland will be closed as they all will be at the Park Tavern. Wait till you see who we have hosting this beast! Oh lawd. Wear green, wear chaps, wear chains, wear your mother – we don’t care. Get your ticket now because we have to shut of presale tickets at 2000 (’til we know the weather permits!). Rules are rules, man. CONTESTS, DJS, HALF NUDE CHICKS, WET TSHIRTS, BUD LIGHT, JAGERMEISTER SHOTS, BUNIONS, FOAM PIT and real bull riding if we can talk Park Tavern into it. Love you.
And now, here is a video from last year’s mayhem. Enjoy. GET TICKETS.
Hosted by: Alex Branch, Abigail Thompson, Allie Burrow, Ashley Hesseltine, Bonnie Lee, Brian Sernulka, Brian Stearns, Buddy Owen, Casey Arundel, Jenny Tribuzio, Jacob SNAKE Schumaker, Jennifer Lester, Jimbo Tomanchek, Joe Rountree, John John “FREE HUGS” Delladonna, Katie Jackson, Kelly Chase, Kelly O’Brien, Kim Junod, Libby Vawter Duncan, Keri Kilgore, Logan Duke, Macy Omer, Jay “MAYOR” Winter, Mercedes Montalvo, Matt Stephen (Cheater), Meagan Cavanaugh, Mick McDonald, Nathan Rigsby, Rae Riccio, Tom Rittle, SaraBeth Custin, Trey Humphreys
What about whip cream? We got you covered (only if you want to be). Whip cream wrestling? Sure, why not? Near-naked hotties in body paint? Done. Massive dessert/candy buffet? We know what you want. And because we’re sweet, let’s throw in Social Mess Candy Girls giving out free suckers all night long and if you can guess how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, we’ll enter you in the midnight kissing contest (still working out the kinks on that one). Don’t forget about the confetti and condom drop at midnight (safety first), and surprise antics only A Social Mess could pull off.
As for a few MINOR DETAILS: Open bar ALL NIGHT long with premium liquors and no lines, delicious food spread, complimentary coat check, massive restrooms, prop-filled photo booth, and 10,000+ square feet of pure amazing. Wear a tux or a sparkly party dress. Wear jean cut-offs and a Starter jacket. We don’t care! Get your tickets now before the price goes up like a 14-year-old watching Cinemax. We’re also presenting the first-ever VIP areas in the history of Social Mess events! Slow down, Cletus, there will only be two, but they will be BALLER SHOT CALLER status, so stay tuned for more info. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org for group discounts for ten or more.
Justin Timberlake don’t know nothin’ about this kinda of sexy. GET TICKETS.
31 BARTENDERS + NO LINES + PREMIUM OPEN BARS 8-2:30AM
MIDNIGHT CHAMPAGNE TOAST
BUD LIGHT GALORE
CONFETTI BALLOON DROP
COMPLIMENTARY FOOD SPREAD
8,000 SQ FT. MAIN STAGE BALLROOM
FOUR DJs ON DECK AT ONCE
GLORIOUS LIGHT SHOW + GIANT DISCO BALL
PEOPLE IN COSTUMES
COUNTLESS SURPRISE ACTS ALL NIGHT
7,000 SQ FT. LOBBY AREA
COMPLIMENTARY COAT CHECK
WEAR BLACK TIE OR JEAN SHORTS
6,000 SQ FT. 2nd LEVEL PARTY
NYE PARTY FAVORS
THE MIDNIGHT DRUM LINE
2013 PHOTO BOOTH
THE 2nd ACT OF A SOCIAL MESS’ GOSPEL CHOIR
1,500 PEOPLE LOOKING FOR A MIDNIGHT FRENCH TONGUE KISS!
BROUGHT TO YOU BY A SOCIAL MESS’ DANGER SQUAD: Abigail Thompson, Alex Branch, Alexi Wilbourn, Allie Burrow, Ashley HESSeltine, Bonnie Lee, Brian Sernulka, Brian Stearns, Buddy Owen, Eli Nagle, Jacob SNAKE Schumaker, Jay Mayor Winter, Jennifer LESTER, Jimbo Tomanchek, Joe Rountree, Joel Darby, John John “FREE HUGS” Delladonna, Jonathan J-YO Young, Katie Jackson, Kelly O’Brien, Keri Kilgore, Kim NO PANTS Junod, Libby Vawter Duncan, Logan Duke, Macy Omer, Matt Stephen, Meagan Cavanaugh, Mick McDonald, Nathan Rigsby, Rae Ricio, SaraBeth Custin, Tom Rittle, Trey TOM Humphreys
You wanna be startin’ somethin’!? Well then alert Tito, Latoya, Paris, Blanket, Lisa Marie Presley, and the crazy grandma because we are throwing a tribute to the late, great MICHAEL JACKSON for Halloween this year! A Social Mess dishonorably presents HALLOWEEN BOOnanza Part 3 and we’re calling all dancing zombies, pretty young things, smooth criminals, Billie Jean lovers, moonwalkers, dirty girls named Diana, and men in the mirror to come heal the world.
Shockingly, we are neither in jail nor being sued from last year, THEREFORE we shall celebrate the grandpappy of all holidays on Saturday, October 27 at the Buckhead Theatre. We are going to turn that joint into Neverland Ranch with more than 2,000 of the hottest, fattest, and morally immune party people in Atlanta. The last two years were monsters, and this year we are upping the ante thanks to the King of Pop himself (may he rest in peace)–more DJs, more lasers, more weirdos, more booze, more professional dancers, more glow sticks, more condoms, and more fake breasts than a Hoobastank concert. We’re introducing a $1,004.00 costume contest, Hottest Single Mom Contest, Thriller flash mob, midnight champagne countdown, and some of the oddest entertainment we can hire. Get your tickets now because we very strategically raise the prices every week to pressure you into buying them. GENIUS. We went to high school b*tches.
Because we know you get desperate sometimes, we’re bringing you a once-in-a-lifetime, er, once-in-a-year opportunity to buy your next date. With actual money. Because whipping out your wallet to “ask out” a member of the opposite sex in a bar is frowned upon and may get you slapped…or arrested. Won’t you join us Thursday, April 19 at the world-class Johnny’s Hideaway for the 3rd Annual One Love Date Auction? Trey (a complete trainwreck of an ex-mascot) and Ace (former Real Worlder and current bar owner) will host the auction where over 25 sexxxxay girls and guys will be up for your bidding pleasure. We’re talking Hooters calendar girls. We’re talking (former) ACC football players. We’re talking cat groomers. We’re talking CEOs (of their own Twitter pages). And everything in between.
The doors open at 6:30 p.m. and the games will begin around 7. We advise getting there early so you can hit the bar (if you’re into that sort of thing) & order your first. Click here for pre-sale tickets, 100% goes directly to One Love Generation so don’t even try to pull a fast one and get in for free because you will just look like an a-hole and then no one will want to go out with you. If you’re interested in reserving a table, please call Johnny’s at 404-233-8026.
See you there. And don’t “forget your wallet.” We know that trick all too well.
One Love Generation is a 501c3 tax exempt non-profit organization empowering youth to inspire positive social change through art, service and awareness. For more information, please visit http://www.onelovegeneration.org/