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Rules for a Slam Piece

Rules for a Slam Piece

Tom Humphreys

August 26th, 2015

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By Jessica

Let’s face it; some of us just aren’t cut out for the committed dating thing. But, we all have needs. So, what is one to do? I’ve got two words for you: Slam Piece. Never heard of it? Let me shed some light on this alternative to “dating” for you lost souls our there.

First, what is a Slam Piece? In layman’s terms (who is Layman?), a Slam Piece is a hook-up, a friend with benefits, a one-night stand, or, the most self-explanatory definition, a piece of ass that you slam. The key to a SP is a “no strings attached” attitude. Sound impossible? Not if you follow a few simple rules…

  1. Don’t go local – Local SP’s have disaster written all over them. How so? Let’s say you’re in a bar and run into your SP, and, God forbid, he’s with another girl (which is totally fine if he’s really just a SP). Now, who are you going to drunk dial later to satisfy your sexual desires? The best SP’s are the out of town SP’s. The sex is prearranged, so there’s no chance of awkward run-ins. A simple, “Hey, I’m in town, clear your calendar, get naked on your bed, and leave the door unlocked.” Simple, easy, in and out (pun intended).
  2. No stalking – If you really want the SP lifestyle, you can’t let your emotions get in the way of your sex life. If you start stalking your SP on Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter, you’re going to see something you don’t want (insert image of your SP in a too-close-to-your-face-selfie with another girl).
  3. Have more than one – Obviously, when you’re searching out SP’s, you have to omit the married guys, committed relationship guys, and the “I live with this girl, but we aren’t that serious” guys. But, when you do find someone else out there who just wants to hook up, then it doesn’t matter if you find more than one. I prefer the “Have a SP in any place you frequent often” model.
  4. Know when to cut the ties (optional). So, you’ve been slamming your SP for a while now, and he wants to start exclusively slamming. Enter emotions. Emotions violate the whole SP lifestyle. If it comes to this, cut the strings and find a new SP – STAT. That is, unless you’re ready for the whole committed dating thing, in which case, disregard this entire blog.

So, take a hint from the athletes in the Olympic Village, get on Tinder, and find your next SP.

Love,

Your Local Slampire


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