I own my own business.  Since 2005, I’ve been doing all the project work, taking all the phone calls, sending invoices, filing forms…all the things that any good little business does.  For nearly five years, I was able to pull all that off without help.  Well, that changed once Atlanta went underwater in September.  See, I’m an indoor air quality consultant…it’s a fancy way of saying that I help people with mold problems in their homes (easy, ladies…I know it’s glamorous).  When the floods hit, there was no shortage of people with wet basements, stinky carpet, and all manner of filth in their homes. 

And they called me!

I struggled through it for a couple of months as best I could, but the phone was ringing off the hook.  I had to be on the road all day, then return calls and write reports at night.  As I grew tired of the 16-hour days, I made a decision.  I had to take the leap.  I had to hire someone.

Let me tell you…hiring someone is some scary shit.  Would I make enough money to pay them?  How much do I pay them?  Will I be a good boss?  Is she hot?  Huh?  Wait…that last one wasn’t mine!  Indeed, virtually every male friend of mine, upon being told that I was hiring an administrative assistant, asked that last question:

Is she hot?

Can I even begin to tell you how horrible an idea it would be for me to hire a hot girl?  To have her potentially working out of my home from time to time?  To have her dancing around in her underwear while she’s answering my phone and making coffee?  (See, I’m already going over to the bad place.)  I’m a gold-medal procrastinator NOW.  I don’t need any more distractions.  Or harassment suits.

Anyway, I placed an ad in the AJC for an “administrative professional” and watched the resumes come pouring in.  Boy howdy, did they pour.  People are applying to ANY job posted online.  Engineers, nurses, and a ton of other ridiculously overqualified people were vying for my piddly little part-time admin job.  It was a bit overwhelming, but I managed to whittle the field down to three candidates.  The easy part was tossing resumes from anyone named “Brittany,” “Chelsea,” or the like…and I’ll admit I wasn’t above a quick Facebook name-search to see if applicants had a profile. 

Is that her in a bikini??  *resume in trash*

My final criteria for hiring (other than actual work-type qualifications) were:

1.  Not a friend of mine or anyone I know
2.  At least 25+ years of experience (so I *know* she’s older)
3.  An appearance that can best be described as “schoolmarmy.”

Interviews were scheduled, and I picked a winner.

She’s not hot.