TomorrowWorld was this past weekend and even though a few of the anxiety ridden rave nerds complained about walking to their fancy buses through a little mud, it was one hell of a time. If you like dance music, this was your Mecca (Just kidding ISIS you crazy bastards…I would never compare the holy land to a dance party). If you don’t like dance music, this festival would be worse than swallowing a dead raccoon feet first while staring directly into 1000 lasers.
TomorrowWorld is a 4 day EDM music festival on a farm 25 miles outside of Atlanta. It attracts about 175k people and has 8 different stages spread over 500 acres. There were DJs on every stage from noon to 1 am each day and each played about an hour set. You do the math. That’s around 700,000 DJs and one gigantic basketball player. And me.
Now, here are 12 things you didn’t know about TomorrowWorld 2015 because I know your life isn’t complete until you know everything about TomorrowWorld:
12. It rained.
11. Two brothers from Belgium started the festival and guess what? Yep, their last name is Beer. Go figure. Beer. Wonder if they have a sister named Molly? Asking for a friend.
10. Approximately 50,000 camped inside the festival. Approximately 41,000 never made it inside their tents. Approximately 38,000 wore animal pajamas and cookie monster hoodies.
9. The average age of the headlining DJs was 41.8 years old (Tiesto – 46, Paul Van Dyk – 43, Kaskade – 44, Ferry Corsten – 41, Bassnectar – 37, Armin Van Burrin – 38, etc). I TOLD YOU I WASN’T THE OLDEST DUDE THERE. Just the oldest guy not getting paid. Or laid. Or in VIP. Or close to VIP.
8. The highest paid DJ at the festival was Armin Van Buurin who closed the MainStage Sunday night. He reportedly got $500k for his hour set. That is the same rate Uber was charging for a ride home to Atlanta Saturday night.
7. Bassnectar’s girlfriend lives in Atlanta and is hot as balls.
6. The most expensive VIP experience was bought by Drew Carey for $80,000. My truck cost $24,000 brand new. I bought it used.
5. David Guetta was married for 20 years and now dates a 22 year old. He is 47 years old. If there are any guys reading this in middle school, learn how to DJ electronic music, grow your hair long and buy a shitty leather jacket.
4. Shaq, who DJed the Trap Stage on Friday Night as DJ Diesel, used to be a NBA basketball player apparently (unconfirmed).
3. Out of over 300 DJs that played at TomorrowWorld 2015, DJ Diesel is the worst DJ name at the festival. DJ Diesel. Seriously?
2. The 3 best songs I heard played in any set this year were: I want to Dance with Somebody – Hardwell, Wonderwall – DJ Snake and Imagine – David Guetta.
1. The dude that owns the farm is named Carl. F*cking Carl. Is there a better name than Carl? Yes. Karl.
There you have it folks. We will see you next year unless this multimillion dollar festival dies because 30 EDM punks said they are boycotting it on Instatwitter because they got mud on their shoes and had to walk to Uber. If not, I will see you next year when I still will not be dating Bassnectar’s girlfriend or in VIP.
In the meantime, if you want to come to a party with about 173k fewer people than TomorrowWorld yet just as fun, check out our Halloween Party at the Buckhead Theatre on Oct. 31….Social Mess Halloween Party #6 Prices go up next Thursday!